Relationships
Why healthy distance is so important in relationships
My mom always used to say, “some people are loved best from a distance.” I never really understood the idea of healthy distance until I started working through my own boundaries issues. As a young adult, I didn’t know how to hold others responsible for their behaviors, nor did I even think it was important....
Losing it with your loved ones? Try these 2 things.
Are you losing it with your loved ones? Maybe you’re yelling at your kids. . .Or you’re bitter with your spouse, and it’s coming out in sarcastic digs. Sometimes you might just be swearing to high-heaven inside your mind – muttering words under your breath you’d never let anyone hear. When anger festers, it doesn’t...
When you or someone you love is self-destructing
On a hot summer day, Margaret marched into my office sporting a black, long-sleeve sweatshirt with an image of a giant middle finger on it. I liked her immediately. I’ve learned that the bolder the armor, the more tender the heart. Twenty-two going on forty, Margaret worked two jobs to make ends meet. She wanted...
A simple tool for creating authentic connection
How are you doing? Whenever somebody asks me this question, I tend to get very deer in the headlights. A flurry of words dance through my mind. Typically the first one I land on is Good! followed by panic as my English teacher mom’s voice surfaces. . . .or is it Well? which never sounds...
Controlling others or confident leadership?
Would you rather lead by controlling others. . .or by empowering them? The answer to this question is pretty obvious. Controlling others gets a bad rap, and for good reason. Controlling behaviors can lead to manipulation, abuse of power, and boundary violations. On the other hand, we do want to have “self-control” and we also...
The 5 signs that your desire to please others has become extreme
The desire to please others isn’t all bad. But when the desire to please becomes extreme, it keeps you from tending to a more vulnerable part of your own soul in need. When you focus always on the needs of others, you risk neglecting your deepest desires. You also may be avoiding your fears and...
The 7 most common protectors that keep you from connection with others
You know the feeling. . .You’re at the dinner table with the people you love most, but you’re not really present. Your mind is a million miles away. Maybe you’re mentally scanning your to-do list or replaying the tape of that hard conversation you had with a friend earlier that day. Maybe you’re berating yourself...
How to Replenish Your Emotional Bank Account
So what IS comfort? According to the dictionary, it’s simply the easing of a difficult or painful emotion. It can also apply to physical pain. Comfort isn’t a band-aid, nor is it a cure. It doesn’t cover over pain, nor does it completely take it away. Comfort acknowledges the reality of pain and provides some relief. . ....
You can thrive in summer, even when your schedule is falling apart
I always struggled to thrive in summer, even before I had a family. On one hand, I enjoy the happy chaos, but my soul tends to take a beating without the natural rhythms of a school year. In the absence of a set structure, I default to adapting my day-to-day routines around the needs of...
When you want to bring peace to others
We want to bring peace to others. Unfortunately, our loved ones’ struggles often trigger our own troubling emotions, making it difficult to be of real help. When someone shares a need or frustration, the following four types of responses are common but not always most helpful. Do you recognize your own go-to method here? Agreement....
How to Regain Connection to God, Others, and Yourself
We want to be close to God and to others. . . but did you know that connection starts with you? We all crave the experience of being seen and loved for who we really are. And we rejoice when someone we love lets us in to see them for who they really are. Such...
3 Steps to Heal Painful Emotions
Everyone deals with painful emotions from time to time. You might struggle with anger, envy, fear, or guilt. These emotions might be related to a current experience, or they might be emotions you have struggled with for a very long time. Regardless, it’s possible to heal painful emotions. Learning how to heal painful emotions is...
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While Dr. Cook is a counselor, the content of this website and any of the products provided by Dr. Cook are not specific counseling advice nor are they a substitute for individual counseling. The content and products provided on this website are for informational purposes only.
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