Boundaries

setting boundaries with friends

Setting Boundaries with Friends

By Alison Cook | April 15, 2020

Question: “Alison, can you give some tips for setting boundaries with friends after a painful experience? My best friend replaced me with someone else she likes better and has started talking behind my back.” (Brandy D.) Answer: Setting boundaries with friends can feel confusing. I empathize with your situation. It’s painful to feel “replaced” by...

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examples healthy boundaries in marriage

Healthy Boundaries in Marriage and How to Tell the Difference

By Alison Cook | April 8, 2020

Question: What are examples of healthy boundaries in marriage? How do I love my spouse, but still express my own voice and needs? (Barbara G.) Examples of healthy boundaries in marriage can be hard to identify. When things are working—whether in your marriage or in someone else’s—it just seems natural. On the other hand, examples...

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Setting-boundaries-selfish

Ask Alison: Is Setting Boundaries Selfish?

By Alison Cook | April 1, 2020

Question: Is setting boundaries selfish? What if taking care of my own needs causes discomfort for somebody else? Isn’t it better to be selfless? (Virginia H.) Answer: Whenever I talk to women about the importance of setting boundaries, I tend to hear push-back in the form of these questions: “But, isn’t it selfish to tell...

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Boundaries Close Quarters

Ask Alison: How do I set boundaries in close quarters with others?

By Alison Cook | March 25, 2020

Question: How do I set boundaries while living in close quarters with other people? Answer: Hello, dear friends. I’ve heard from many of you over the past week about the various ways you’re dealing with the Covid-19 crisis and facing the reality of living in quarantine. Here’s a sample of questions I’ve received: How do...

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Boundaries with Anxiety

Ask Alison: How do I set boundaries with anxiety?

By Alison Cook | March 11, 2020

Question: I feel anxious all the time. My friends tell me that I just need to trust God more, but it doesn’t help. How can I stop feeling so anxious? (Patrice H.) Answer: Let’s talk boundaries with anxiety, because I understand how you feel. First of all, remember that fear is a common emotion. A...

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Ask Alison: Will Setting Boundaries Make Me Seem Like a B**ch?

By Alison Cook | February 26, 2020

Question: I’m nervous that setting boundaries with other people will make me seem like a b**ch. What do I do? (Samantha W.) Answer: I hear this question often and it reveals a double standard that women face when it comes to setting boundaries. For example, when a man says, “No, thanks. I’m not interested.” His...

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Boundaries Bad Friends

Ask Alison: How do I find new friends when I say “No” to unhealthy friendships?

By Alison Cook | February 19, 2020

Question: I decided to stop spending time with some friends who didn’t reciprocate interest in me and my life. But, now I feel lonely. What should I do? (Irene B.) Answer: I’m so glad you asked this question, because your situation is a common experience for many women who start setting new boundaries. First, I...

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what-every-woman-needs-to-know

What Every Woman Needs to Know about Boundaries

By Alison Cook | January 13, 2020

What if Jesus wants you to uncover the dazzling God-image that burns in your heart? What if your most important job might be to ensure that fire does not go out? If you’re like me, a part of you might think that sounds good, but another part of you might feel hesitant, thinking: doesn’t Jesus...

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the-most-important-boundary

The Most Important Boundary You Must Set

By Alison Cook | December 18, 2019

The most important boundary you must set might surprise you. It’s not the one you need to set with your kids, your toxic friend, or with your in-laws for that matter—as important as those boundaries are. The most important boundary you must set is the one that protects your most important asset. It’s the line...

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self-care

Why self-care is the opposite of selfishness

By Alison Cook | October 3, 2019

I don’t want to be selfish! Isn’t kindness always best? How can I be Christlike and take time for myself? If I had a dime for every time I’ve heard a woman say these words to me when faced with hard decisions, I’d have a lot of money. If I had a nickel for every...

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boundaries-with-mom

Boundaries with Mom and Why It Matters

By Alison Cook | July 10, 2019

Does setting boundaries with mom really matter? You may love her dearly, but your relationship can also drive you crazy. Maybe you can relate to the following story. “I love my mom, and I want her to be a part of my kids’ lives,” Nicole told me during our first counseling session. “But I feel...

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healthy-distance

Why healthy distance is so important in relationships

By Alison Cook | July 3, 2019

My mom always used to say, “some people are loved best from a distance.” I never really understood the idea of healthy distance until I started working through my own boundaries issues. As a young adult, I didn’t know how to hold others responsible for their behaviors, nor did I even think it was important....

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