Posts by Alison Cook
How to Forgive and Move On in a Relationship
Question: People keep telling me that I need to forgive and move on in my relationship. I want to forgive, but does that mean I have to pretend like nothing happened? (Julie W.) Answer: I’m so glad you asked this question. How to forgive and move on in a relationship is often misunderstood. The short...
Ask Alison: Will Setting Boundaries Make Me Seem Like a B**ch?
Question: I’m nervous that setting boundaries with other people will make me seem like a b**ch. What do I do? (Samantha W.) Answer: I hear this question often and it reveals a double standard that women face when it comes to setting boundaries. For example, when a man says, “No, thanks. I’m not interested.” His...
Ask Alison: How do I find new friends when I say “No” to unhealthy friendships?
Question: I decided to stop spending time with some friends who didn’t reciprocate interest in me and my life. But, now I feel lonely. What should I do? (Irene B.) Answer: I’m so glad you asked this question, because your situation is a common experience for many women who start setting new boundaries. First, I...
How to Strengthen Your Love
Love makes the world go around. But, it can also make your world feel like it has come crashing to a halt when things are hard. That is why it’s so important to strengthen your love by working at it each step of the way. Almost every day in my work of counseling, the topic...
Healing Toxic Self Condemnation
The voice of toxic self-condemnation can still get loud in my head, even after years of “knowing better”. This toxic voice says: —”It’s selfish to consider your own wants and needs.” —”It’s wrong to cultivate your talents or pursue your dreams.” —”You should never consider yourself in any decision you make.” —”You should always sacrifice....
What Every Woman Needs to Know about Boundaries
What if Jesus wants you to uncover the dazzling God-image that burns in your heart? What if your most important job might be to ensure that fire does not go out? If you’re like me, a part of you might think that sounds good, but another part of you might feel hesitant, thinking: doesn’t Jesus...
A Roadmap to You
Wouldn’t it be nice if you reached a point in life when you could hit cruise and coast along in all of your relationships? You could just sit back, listen to the music and trust that everything will work out fine. Most relationships don’t work that way—not the ones we have with our loved ones,...
The Most Important Boundary You Must Set
The most important boundary you must set might surprise you. It’s not the one you need to set with your kids, your toxic friend, or with your in-laws for that matter—as important as those boundaries are. The most important boundary you must set is the one that protects your most important asset. It’s the line...
3 Hacks to Feel Better Fast
The day after Thanksgiving, I found myself in a panic. For a moment, I couldn’t figure out why. The oven was off; the dogs were inside. All loved ones were accounted for. Then, I remembered: I was giving a major talk that night. And, a part of me was terrified. Sure, I knew what words...
The Surprising Key to Healthy Relationships
I was a deer in the headlights. It was the first time I had met with a couple as a counselor in training, and from my vantage point this conversation had gone off the rails. The couple sat back-to-back in my office with their arms crossed glaring at the walls. “I HATE when you talk...
What to do when you’re angry with yourself
I was struggling with anger about a relationship recently and processed the emotion with a trusted adviser. She understandably asked me: “Have you forgiven this person?” The thing was, I had. I didn’t sense animosity toward the other person. I’d separated out of the hurtful situation and healthy boundaries were now in place. As I...
The hidden reason why negative emotions are helpful
Imagine yourself as a child. When you’re hungry, you cry and someone feeds you a nutritious meal. Or when you fall and hurt yourself, you scream and someone runs to your side, lovingly trying to help. As you grow older, negative experiences occur, such as a friend turns on you and gets other kids to...
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